Monday, December 29, 2008

The Red Eye Express: An Introduction

"Space," says the Guide, "is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it really is," and so on.

For those of you coming from the forums: Welcome! I'll update my blog both here and on the forums, even though they use different HTML set ups, and thus is a pain in the ass.
Also, I can swear here. Fuck yeah!

It Begins

My friends, I have, as of the time of the creation of this topic, been playing Eve Online for the better part of a year. In that time, I have dabbled in a little bit of everything. I've run missions until my eyes bled. I've stared at my mining lasers for hours on end, even going so far as to get a Hulk...which I have used once. It is now sitting in my hangar collecting space dust.

I've tried, and failed, to be a pirate. The Yarr is not strong with me, it seems.

I have been a salvager, a cargo runner, a trader, a 'plex jockey, a pirate, an anti-pirate, a carebear, an ice supplier, and even a lowly, pathetic can flipper.

For all intents and purposes, I had become a space hooker, always looking for that next source of Isk, bouncing around from job to job to feed my unfortunate penchant for getting my ship blown up in battles I shouldn't have entered in the first place.

Eve had become...predictable. Maybe a little boring. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. And then I stumbled upon a little thing called The 0.0 Experiment by the great one himself, Innuminable Natmoore. Err...Inumerable...Inominoot...THAT ONE GUY.
For those of you who haven't had the delight of reading it, I suggest you do so.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
Back? Good. Entertaining, wasn't it? I thought so too.

His tale of travelling the expanses of Eve with nothing but a shuttle and a dream inspired me to no end, and I immediately took a trip to the Eve Gate a week after reading his exploits. I "ooooh"ed and "ahhhh"ed, and went back to my business. A nice diversion, but nothing I could occupy any real amount of time with, right?


Ha! You underestimate my boredom and amount of free time!
I've read a few "Adventure Log" type of topics on these forums over the last few months, and I always thought it would be fun to give it a here I am.

I bring my story to you, MY PEOPLE, SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF HELGHAN! FOR TOO LONG HAVE WE BEEN OPPR--oh, sorry. Wrong sci-fi universe.

My plan is simple: I will become the best Eve Tourist I can be. I will visit every pretty site, every demolished wreck, every scary Goon hub and BoB gate camp. Eve is a very big place, and it saddens me that I have only visited a tiny, tiny portion of it. So explore it I will! And I will do so armed only with a dry sense of humor and the ability to be podded every time I open my damn mouth.

The journey will be long, and I will probably end up going to the bathroom in the corner of my ship more than once, but if I can entertain some of you while you're slacking off at work (don't worry, I do it fact, I'm doing it right now), or while you're absent-mindedly alt-tabbing between the forums and your HIGH OCTANE MINING LASERS, it will have been worth it.

I will endeavor to update this travel journal as much as possible, i.e. when I'm not busy playing the new Call of Duty or Dead Space on my 360.
I will update daily, and will try for at least two updates a day, provided I'm not preoccupied with work, or Christmas shopping, or compulsively rearranging my DVD collection by alphabetical order.

So join me, won't you? There will be cake.


  1. Awesome start mate!!! I look forward to reading your posts!!!

  2. This is wonderful! I've been so busy myself, I hadn't even thought of going on vacation.
    Have added you to my blogroll.

    Do well!

    Gabriel Theodoulos